


Scenario 02 – The Parent Trap

by stranger12



Series: But I’m A–! [2]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Step-Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3646173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stranger12/pseuds/stranger12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mitchum drops a truth bomb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scenario 02 – The Parent Trap

Logan knew his parents didn’t love each other. However cruel or ruthless, it was a truth he had known since he was a little boy, looking at their tight faces and golden heads then looking at others grownups and finding that though several acted the same cold way, some were evidently close and loving, and he felt sad that his parents didn’t.

When he decided on a whim to take the plunge and become Rory Gilmore’s girlfriend, he did it with the certainty that if they ever married, they would not become his parents, he would break up with her long before that, but that was in the possible future, and he would have to concentrate on how his family would treat her (though he supposed his sister’s engagement to Josh would be the hot topic of the night at the Huntzbergers).

His mother, Shira, was all horrible fake smiles and candy–like voice while his grandfather was his usual taciturn, near statuesque (and definitely not in the good way) self, both ramrod rigid as they waited for Mitchum to arrive. Josh and Honor kept trading places, and the guy sweated bullets, it was unnerving to just look at him. Ace, thank God for her, was enchanted by everything around her in a way he had never been and it only made him like her more.

“Oh good, your father is here” – Shira sighed and went for her usual vodka on the rocks. Logan rolled his eyes and got up to greet his dad and– Wow, wait, why was he coming in with Ace’s mom? What the hell was Ace’s mom–?

“Logan” – Mitchum said, slapping the startled young man on the arm – “Honor, Josh. And is this Rory?” – he cast a look over his shoulder at the silent and awkward Lorelai Gilmore.

“Yes, hello, sir” – she frowned at her mother – “Mom?”

“Hey, babe” – the woman said softly, waving. She sent everyone a tight smile and bounced on her feet.

“Er, what are you doing here?” – Ace approached Lorelai and they started talking in rushed tones. Mitchum turned to Shira and narrowed his eyes as the blond woman played with her glass.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were going to a SPA or something” – he demanded to know. Eli looked from one to the other, and over at Lorelai.

“Well, what did you expect! Honor called and said Logan was coming home, I couldn’t just go off like that!” – the woman cried, and got up – “I can’t believe you, Mitchum!” – she hissed.

Logan looked at his sister and noticed her wide eyes and the way Josh looked just about ready to pass out, he was so pale. Then he heard Ace gasp, though when he turned to the Gilmore girls, they were huddled closer, holding hands and clearly not in the mood for intruders.

Mitchum and Shira got in each other’s faces, and Logan wondered when they’d gone from ‘I can’t stand to even look at you!’ to ‘I want to stab your face with a fork!’.

“You dare bring that– That– Her! Here! To my home!” – Shira shrieked and Logan again turned to Lorelai and Rory, who’d stopped talking and were wearing equal expressions of awe as they focused on the fighting couple.

“This is hardly your home! Not anymore!” – Mitchum exclaimed and Honor gasped.

“Oh God” – she whispered – “Are you two–?”

“Yes!” – Shira yelled – “Kids, I’m sorry to tell you, but your father has decided to leave me for another woman. Her!” – she pointed at Lorelai, who sighed.

“Hi there” – she said, sarcasm pouring out of her. Rory looked ready to snicker – “Lorelai Gilmore here. You’re Honor, right? Nice to meet you”

“Hi...?”

“I can’t believe you, Mitchum!” – Shira screeched.

“Shira, Mitchum” – Eli interrupted from his throne – “Can you do this another time? I’m hungry and I’m going over to the dining table with you or without you, but I would like to eat in peace” – he got up and looked down his nose at everyone – “Shall we, children?” – Logan wasn’t sure who he was talking to, but hurried along with Honor and Josh to join him. He looked over at Ace, and she dragged Lorelai with her.

Though Logan had suffered through more than enough awkward, silent meals with his family (most of which he didn’t even remember), he thought that was the worst ever, at least considering his parents, ‘cause his grandfather was eagerly eating away. Josh had seemingly perked up, as had Honor, and they were quietly eating, their chairs a little closer than they usually would be, heads often close together as they talked, and Logan loved his sister, but it was just too sickeningly sweet.

Ace and Lorelai were sitting just as closely, and Logan was left to sit on his father’s right. The man was eating intently, though he did on occasion cast looks at Lorelai, and to Logan’s horror, she winked mischievously at him.

“Alright, that’s it” – Shira finally said after the main course was done – “Mitchum, I–” – the man stood up suddenly, shutting her up.

“Everyone, I would like to make an announcement” – he looked lovingly at Lorelai and shit, Logan didn’t know his father could look like that. Pod people much? – “Shira and I are getting a divorce, and I have asked Lorelai in marriage and she has accepted”

Honor gasped, Eli continued drinking his wine, Rory giggled, Josh did nothing, and Logan groaned.

“Seriously?” – he got up too – “Seriously? My girlfriend’s mother?”

“To be fair” – Lorelai piped up – “I’ve been dating your dad longer than you and Rory have even known each other, so, you know”

“Oh, my God” – Honor said, stifling a laugh – “You’re dating our future sister” – she looked down but her shoulders shook as she tried not to laugh out loud.

“Gee, thanks for that, sis” – Logan said sarcastically, then he looked at Rory – “Ace, did you know about this?”

“All I knew was that my mom was dating a guy name Mitch” – she answered plainly – “And I never mentioned your last name to her, so, yeah, we kinda just found out now” – mother and daughter traded looks and started giggling.

“I think everyone would benefit from a little more wine” – Eli announced, and waved a maid over.

“Love the way your mind works” – Lorelai commented, winking at the much older man, making him blush in a way the alcohol he’d consumed thus far hadn’t been able to.

“By God! Look at what you bring into this home!” – Shira screamed, getting up – “A gold digger who flirts with your father! Your FATHER! He’s ancient!”

“She’s seriously calling ME a gold digger?” – Lorelai stage whispered to Rory.

“Excuse me?!”

“I don’t want to air your dirty laundry, but you’re not helping your case by calling me a gold digger, dear” – Lorelai stood straighter and flipped her hair back and smiled in a superior manner perfected after decades as Richard and Emily Gilmore’s only daughter. Shira attempted to return it in kind, however the difference in poise was stark.

“Thank God” – Eli grabbed the wine bottle and poured himself some – “Anyone else want some?”

“God yes” – Honor said, clearly excited about the show. Logan stared at her incredulously. What the hell was going here? And why was his father so quiet? Looking over at him, Jesus, he was looking lovingly at Lorelai and, ew.

“I had sex with the daughter of the woman my dad has had sex with” – he mumbled, but in the silence, it was loud and clear.

“That is a little weird” – Lorelai mused – “I’ve been with the dad of the guy my kid’s banged”

“Mom, don’t say ‘bang’, please” – Rory pleaded.

“Fine. Hey, so, Mitch, are we leaving any time soon?” – she wiggled her eyebrows and Logan considered giving in and throwing up.

Just because he knew his dad screwed around behind his mom’s back didn’t mean he wanted to know he was screwing his Ace’s mom. Just– No, God no.

“You’re right, Lo. Everyone, this was very lovely, please excuse us. Shira, be out by tomorrow or I’ll have to have the police drag you out”

“You can’t do this to me!” – she shrieked, not too firm on her feet, though.

“I can too. We had an ironclad pre–nup, and since you like tennis instructors so much, well, you see where this is going” – the man grabbed Lorelai’s hand and they were gone.

Rory started giggling, and Honor followed her. Eli ordered more wine and Shira started crying on the table and demanding Logan throw the ‘gold digger’s bastard’ out of the house. Josh was the only one who kept eating as if nothing was amiss, and Logan–

Well, Logan decided that his dad marrying Ace’s mom was a little weird, but for such a prude little thing, Ace was pretty wild in the sack, so hey.

His dad was gonna have to drag them apart to break them up, even if they would eventually (soon?) become brother and sister. Hey, Colin swore stepsisters could be great, and who was he to doubt such an expert on the subject?

**Author's Note:**

> The incest trope strikes back.
> 
> Realized a while back that Logan's grandfather is Elijah? Anyway, I'm keeping it Eli, screw it.


End file.
